Secrets, Secrets
by Chasingyesterday
Summary: Secrets, secrets are no fun unless they're shared with everyone. Fem Deidara
1. Chapter 1

Secrets secrets

Secrets, secrets are no fun unless they're shared with everyone. Fem Deidara

People say that Tobi is actually Madara. I think Tobi is too funny to be an Uchiha like him. Tobi being Obito makes more sense, but here Tobi is Tobi and Tobi is a good boy.

No one knew. Not even danna had known. And Deidara wanted it to stay that way. The Akatsuki were a sexist bunch, and they only tolerated Konan because she was married to Leader-sama. If they knew Deidara was a girl, oh that would be hell. She would get kicked out, killed, or worse, raped.

Deidara shuddered, oh Danna, why? Why did you have to die? She ignored the breakfast that Kazuku placed before her, pushed it away when urged to eat by Kisame and Hidan, and made the dish explode all over everyone when Itachi pushed it towards her. She ran from the kitchen in a flurry of tears as an angered Kazuku shouted after her, "That costs money, brat! A lot of money!"

She ran to Sasori's grave. Where she had buried his remains all by herself. She had even made him a grave stone out of her finest clay. She kneeled on the young grass that was just sprouting in small scattered patches. Deidara hung her head and let the tears come. The hot tears streamed down her cheeks and fell on the dirt. The blond ignored the calls of comfort from the various Akatsuki members. "Just leave me alone, un!" she screamed at Kisame when he tried to make her feel better.

Then Tobi came.

"Sempai!" he shouted, "Sempai why are you sad?" "Go away Tobi! un!" She hissed. "What's wrong sempai? Are you PMS-ing?" Deidara froze. "What?" she asked, her voice little more than a whisper. Tobi cocked his head, "Is Sempai PMS-ing?" "Tobi, only GIRLS have that yeah!" Deidara hissed, making sure that the coast was clear. "But Sempai is a girl! A very pretty girl!" he shouted. Deidara's eyes widened, "How do you know that un?" she turned to face Tobi, she grabbed his neck and began to shake him back and forth viciously. "How did you find out?! How do you know?! Have you been spying on me, yeah?!" she yelled.

"No." Tobi whimpered. "Tobi is a good boy! Tobi would never spy on Sempai!" he said, horrified at her questions, "Tobi saw through Sempai's genjutsu on accident," Tobi looked very awkward now, " and Sempai is a pretty girl and-" Tobi stopped and turned away, Deidara could tell he was blushing under that orange mask of his. Deidara let go of Tobi.

"Sempai, why do you hide that you're a girl? Tobi doesn't understand, Sempai is a pretty girl." "Tobi, no. I-" Deidara started but Tobi cut her off. "Secrets, secrets are no fun unless they're shared with everyone!" Tobi chirped. "Because all the man here are sexist bastards who think woman are only good for cooking and shit like that, yeah!" Deidara exploded. "But Sempai can't cook at all!" Tobi replied, which made Deidara smile a bit.

"So will Sempai take off her genjutsu now?" Tobi asked, cocking his head to the side again. Deidara nodded and the genjutsu was released, revealing a gentler voice, softer face, shinier hair, luminous blue eyes, and her feminine figure. Deidara had a terrible feeling that Tobi had a nosebleed and/or was drooling behind his mask. "Well? I thought you could already see, yeah?" She told him, frowning. Tobi looked like he was feeling awkward again, "Tobi was a bad boy. . ." he said trying to escape."Tobi" Deidara warned. "Please don't hurt Tobi! Tobi saw through Sempai's genjutsu on accident! It was an accident! Tobi is sorry! Tobi didn't mean to! " He feverently tried to explain.

"Tobi" said ninja was still ranting. Deidara tried again, "Tobi!" no luck, the blond bomber tried again, "TOBI!" "Yes Sempai?" he replied tentatively. "Take off your mask un." she told him. "But-" "Secrets secrets are no fun unless their shared with everyone, yeah." Deidara reminded him. "Not everyone." he stubbornly insisted. "Just Sempai." and then the mask came off.

Tobi was an Uchiha. An Uchiha. One of the scum that she despised. But Tobi. . . Tobi was different. She couldn't bring herself to hate him.

He couldn't have been older than 21. He had perfect porcelain skin, marred only by a thick scar and a bandage over his right eye. His visible eye was deep, playful obsidian, and she knew that it could probably flash that Sharingan red at a second's notice. "U-U-Uchiha. Uchiha Tobi yeah." Deidara murmured. Tobi muttered something inaudible, "What?" Deidara asked the goofy Uchiha. He blushed a deep tomato red, "Tobi said nothing Sempai!" "Sure." She laughed. Then leaned forward and hugged the boy, "Thanks." "For what?" Tobi questioned, confused. "For caring, un." the bomber replied, placing her head on Tobi's shoulder.

Deidara entered the Akatsuki hideout, genjutsu-free. Tobi, mask-free, followed behind her. "What the fuck?! Deidara is that you?!" Hidan shouted. Deidara gave the Jashist a lethal glare, "Yeah, I'm Deidara, un." "But-but-but-"He stammered. "Whoa! You're a chick?" Kisame exclaimed. "Yes Sempai is!" Tobi said, stepping in front of Kisame, Sharingan flashing. Tobi drew himself up to full height, trying to look intimidating, and Deidara had to admit, it was working rather well. "Tobi hopes that Kisame-san has no problem with that!" "What the fuck?! Tobi?!" Hidan shouted, really freaking out now. "Tobi, turn the Sharingan off, yeah?" Deidara told the Uchiha boy. "Yes Sempai!" he chirped, smiling.

Deidara smiled back, and began to walk to her room. Tobi started to follow, but he turned around to face the stunned Kisame and Hidan, Sharingan on. "If you hurt my Sempai, Tobi will make sure that you will have a very slow and painful death." the formerly masked boy threatened. "Don't make Sempai cook either. She'll probably make it blow up again!" he laughed gleefully and followed his sempai. "What was that about?" Itachi questioned as he walked in. "I think. . . your cousin. . . threatened us." Kisame answered, still stunned. "I thought I killed all my cousins. . ." Itachi mused. "You missed one." Hidan replied. "Who'd I miss?"

"Tobi"

"Tobi is my cousin?!"

This is a two- Shot. Sorry, I had to write this, I have fallen in love with the Deidara Tobi couple. So cute!


	2. Chapter 2

Secrets secrets

Secrets secrets are no fun unless they're shared with everyone. Fem Deidara

Deidara had never been more happier to be wrong. The other members behaved the same as they had always behaved, almost like nothing had changed. Kisame and Itachi still bickered, Kazuku was still cheap, Hidan was still overly-violent, Zestu was still a cannibal, Leader-sama was still aloof and Tobi was still a goofball. But many things had changed, like Konan was now her best friend. And then there was Tobi. . .

Deidara trailed her finger lazily through her clay, she looked down. She hadn't even been paying attention, yet here she had a miniature clay replica of Tobi's mask. She blushed, this crush thing had really gotten out of hand. Tobi was too naive to notice her feelings.

Or was he?

He had noticed she had been hiding the fact she was female. Tobi was a mystery.

"Hello Sempai!"

Speak of the devil.

"Tobi." Deidara began. "Yes Sempai?" Tobi answered. Deidara turned to face the Uchiha. His orange mask was still in place. "Tobi, why do you wear a mask, un?" Deidara asked him. Tobi didn't reply. "Tobi?" Deidara asked again, her tone worried. "Tobi was afraid cousin Itachi would kill him." Tobi finally replied. Deidara smiled. Tobi took off his mask and smiled too.

_Why, Sempai, why do you hide?_

_Why, Tobi, why do you hide, yeah?_

"Sempai?" "Hn?" "Tobi was wondering. . . " "Wondering what, un?" Deidara tilting her head to the side. Tobi blushed. "Never mind. Tobi will ask Kisame." He said as he grabbed his mask and ran out. "Ask Kisame? What the hell, yeah?"

"Kisame-san? Tobi has a question!" Tobi said as he banged on Kisame's door. "What do you want kid?" He growled. "Tobi has a question!" Tobi chirped. "So I've heard." Kisame muttered, "If it's about whether I'm a sharky human or a human shark, go away. I told you to drop it." "No. Wait, which one is Kisame-sempai?" Kisame glared at Tobi. "Agh, no! Tobi was hoping Kisame-sempai could answer Tobi's question!" Kisame sighed "Shoot"

"Tobi would like to know why he feels funny around Sempai now." Kisame grinned, "Does it make you feel weird, like you have butterflies in your stomach?" the shark asked him. Tobi nodded furiously. "Are you're prone to blushing? Do you feel hot when she's around? Do you stumble over your words? Do you spend most of your time looking at her?" Kisame continued. Tobi nodded, "Yes, yes, yes, yes! What's wrong with Tobi?"

Kisame's grin grew larger, oh this was just too rich! "Tobi, I'm afraid you have. . . the cooties!" Tobi gasped, "The cooties! Wait, what's that?" "A deadly disease of which there is no cure. I'm sorry Tobi. It's been nice knowing you." Kisame told the masked boy with a serious face. Tobi threw his hands up into the air and began running in circles, screaming. "I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna die!"

"Tobi! What's wrong now?" Konan snapped. "Tobi has the cooties and now Tobi is going to die!" the masked ninja sobbed. Konan raised an eyebrow, "The cooties?" "Yes! Tobi has butterflies in Tobi's stomach and Tobi always blushes around Sempai and Tobi always feels warm around Sempai and Tobi always stutters around Sempai now and Tobi likes to stare at Sempai and Kisame-san says that Tobi has cooties! And Tobi is going to die!" he screeched. "Tobi will miss Sempai. . ." he added softly, so softly that only Konan could hear. "Kisame!" Konan growled. Kisame backed away slowly, retreating to his room. "Tobi," Konan began, "You do not have the cooties. You have a crush." "That sounds even worse! Tobi doesn't wanna die!" Tobi squeaked. Konan sighed, this would take a lot of explaining.

"Tobi, first of all you're not going to die. Get it? You're not going to die! Second of all, the cooties don't exist. It's just something childish and stupid, JUST LIKE A CERTAIN SOMEONE!" she shouted, glaring at Kisame's door. Zestu walked in and plopped down on the couch not far from Konan and Tobi. "You like Deidara." Tobi nodded, Zestu smirked. "Tobi always liked Sempai." "I mean like-like her." "Tobi likes Sempai because Sempai is Tobi's sempai" "No Tobi, like-like!" "Sempai is Tobi's sempai, Tobi likes his sempai." "No Tobi, like-like!" Tobi tilted his head. Zestu giggled, Konan sighed again, oh Kami this was hard. "Like-like, as in love! You love Deidara! Do you get it now?!" Tobi was silent for a long time, Konan fretted that he didn't understand and she'd have to explain again. "Tobi loves Deidara." Tobi murmured. "Tobi loves Deidara." he repeated, louder this time. "Tobi loves Deidara!" he shouted, causing Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Kazuku, Pain and Deidara to poke their heads out of their bedroom doors.

"What did he say, un?" Deidara said, sounding very stunned. "I think that's the first time he's ever said your name." Itachi told her. Tobi caught sight of Deidara and skipped up to her. Her took off his mask, "Tobi loves Deidara." he said. Then Tobi leaned forward and kissed her. Deidara's eyes widened in shock.

**"Now that's entertainment!"** Zestu's dark side whooped. "So very touching. . ." his light side crooned. "Didn't see that coming!" Kisame exclaimed. "So I really DID miss one." Itachi commented.

Tobi ended the kiss and Deidara looked up at him. "Whoa. . ." she fainted. Tobi looked downcast, he turned to Itachi and Kisame. "Did Tobi do something wrong?" Konan walked over. She bent down over the unconscious bomber, "Well, she's out like a light." Hidan looked down at Deidara, then he looked at Tobi, "Nice"

Deidara woke up in her room, in her bed. And a mask less Tobi standing over her, he bent down. "Tobi loves Deidara." he whispered in her ear, then he captured her lips again. Deidara's breath caught in her throat, her heart raced in her chest, "Tobi" she gasped when he broke the kiss for air. "Tobi loves Deidara. Does Deidara love Tobi back?" he asked, worry hiding in his beautiful obsidian orbs. She couldn't lie to him, it would break his heart. But it would save him. Deidara knew she could never be happy. Like her art, her happiness never stayed long. She had her parents, her friends and her Danna for a while, but death claimed them all. Happy was fleeting, it could never stay. Not for her.

But she wanted to be happy. Tobi made her happy. She loved him.

"Yes" she murmured. She sat straight up and wrapped her arms around unsuspecting Tobi's neck. "I love you too, yeah." she murmured, burring her head in the crook of his neck. "Tobi is happy" "I'm happy too, yeah." she smiled. Right then Deidara decided that if Tobi died before her, she'd join him. She looked up at him, "Hey Tobi un," "Yes Deidara-mei?" Deidara blushed at the new suffix, "You know when you took off your mask, for the first time, yeah?" Tobi nodded. "What did you say? You muttered something, un" Tobi blushed a deep red, uh. . .um. . .uh. . ." He stammered. "Well, un?" He mumbled something Deidara couldn't understand. Then he looked down at her, "Tobi will tell you later." he said, beaming. Deidara pouted, "Aww. . ." Tobi cupped her chin with his hand. He gave her a dazzling crooked smile, tilted his head, and leaned down to kiss her. Deidara returned the kiss with equal passion.

~*~

Konan and the rest of the Akatsuki congregated at Deidara's door. Hidan pressed his ear to the door, "I hear screaming." he told them. Pain groaned, "Just what I need! A pregnant woman with explosives!" "He works fast." Itachi commented. Just then a big 'boom' made all the members jump out of their skins, and it made Deidara's door hang crooked on its hinges. "Leave it to Deidara to blow something up during sex." Konan commented. All the men groaned in sympathy.

"Deidara-mei is a cheater, no explosives during a pillow fight!" came Tobi's voice "No Sharingan then, Tobi-kun. Yeah!" came Deidara's voice. "A pillow fight?!" Kazuku exclaimed, "A PILLOW FIGHT?!" They all burst out laughing. "Come on," Kisame motioned as he opened the door. He was greeted by a pillow thrown in his face. "Oh crap un" Deidara muttered, blushing. "Sorry yeah!" She said to Kisame. "Oh, it's on!" he growled as he grabbed a pillow off the floor and tossed it at Deidara. "Yay! Kisame-san is on Tobi's side!" Tobi exclaimed, only to be pelted with a barrage of pillows, courtesy of Konan and Pain. "Ha! Konan and Leader-sama are on my side, yeah!" Deidara smirked.

After hours of pillow fighting everyone was exhausted. Deidara yawned and snuggled closer to her lover's chest. Tobi was snoring softly. Deidara smiled, this wouldn't be fleeting. This would last.

**Epilog**

**A few months later**

"Deidara-mei close your eyes!" Tobi chirped. "Tobi-kun, what is it, un?" Deidara questioned. "Ok! Deidara-mei can open them now!" he said. Deidara obeyed. She opened her eyes and they promptly filled with tears. They were at Sasori's grave, which was surrounded by flickering candles. On the actual grave there was a cake. She laughed when she saw the party hat on the tombstone. "Tobi-" "Tobi and Sasori-sempai wanted to wish Deidara a happy birthday!" he smiled. Deidara smiled and hugged her boyfriend.

Tobi fingered the small box in his pocket nervously. What if Deidara-mei didn't like it? Or what if she said no? Tobi was panicking. "Tobi would like to ask Deidara-mei a question." Tobi said as he fished the box out of his pocket.

Deidara froze. He's proposing? "Tobi-" Deidara took the box and opened it. Inside was a small clay dove, which Deidara could tell, was made by Tobi. "Tobi. . . I. . . It's beautiful, yeah!" she said, looking up at Tobi, smiling with tears in her ocean colored eyes.

"Deidara-mei can eat her cake now." Tobi suggested, taking a forkful and feeding it (kind of forcefully) to Deidara. "Yum, Tobi! This cake is- Ow!" Deidara cried. She had bit something hard. She spit out the hard thing she had chomped on and gasped. Tobi poured water on her hand to clean the thing off; Deidara's aqua eyes were as large as dinner plates.

On her palm was a glistening diamond ring. "T-Tobi. . ." "Deidara-mei just needs to say yes! Please say yes!" Tobi said, his anxious dark eye searching her face for an answer. She slowly held the ring up and watched it glow in the candle light. She smiled, and pulled Tobi into a hug. "Yes." she whispered. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" Tears of joy streamed down her face as she slipped the ring on.

"Tobi, what did you mumble that one time? When you took you're mask off, yeah. . ." "Uchiha Deidara" He murmured softly, running his hands through her golden hair. Since the beginning of time, Uchihas had always gotten what they wanted. Tobi was no exception, he was just different, he waited instead of taking.

_Do you see me Danna? Do you see me now? Are you proud of me? I always said I loved fleeting art, but I love this more. And I want this to be eternal. Are you proud of me?_

That's the end of my two-shot. Do not ask about the pillow fight, please. It won't be good for anyone's mental health.


End file.
